2009 26 Nov

Changing Traditions? Not So Fast! Follow These Tips To Make The Holidays After A Divorce Easier.

Anticipate Anxiety: New family traditions can elicit thoughts that something old is being left behind. If families are too anxious to move ahead with new rituals, children may be anxious or upset. Be sure to place emphasis on both old and new traditions.

Engage and enlist help: Have a few ideas formulated before discussing traditions changes with your children. Ask which ones they want to continue and which ones they would like to create. If you engage your kids in options and give them choices, they will be more likely to accept and adjust to the changes.

Accommodate everyone: Some old traditions may not be accepted or applicable in the new family configuration. Accommodate everyone’s needs when considering which existing traditions to maintain.

Do a trial run: Suggest trying something new for one year and see how it goes. This alleviates having to make a long-term commitment and allows you to alter your decision in the future. Approach it from a positive stance and focus on the newness of what is to come. Consider pulling traditions from another country or culture.

Spell out schedules: If holiday schedules that in involve traditions are going to be radically different, tell your child what you expect so there are o surprises.

Be patient with the pace: If your child is resistant to change, don’t push. Give him time and move at his pace. Older children, in particular, have more memories and may take longer to accept changing traditions. If your child is grieving the loss of his once-intact family, empathize and wait for wounds to heal.

Discern the delicate: after a divorce, the children may feel as if they are not being loyal if they don’t carry out old traditions. Children do well as adults around them, if you are doing well your kids may respond better.

Don’t step in someone’s shoes: Be cautious about letting another person take over a new tradition your child strongly associates with a now absent parent. For example, if your ex-wife always took your daughter to get manicured nails and buy a new dress before Christmas, the new stepmother should not try to fill those shoes.

Blending and bonding: With a new blending family, consider establishing stepparent/stepchild traditions. This may help bond relationships, particularly with the younger set. If the step relationship hasn’t gelled, the biological parent may want to go along for the first year or two. If the child shows resistance, wait another year and try again.

If you are facing a divorce or have family law issues visit this website to read more about how to protect your legal rights. Find out about the divorce process from beginning to end and how not being ready could affect you and your children.

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