You and your parent are in the unique position of doing something that has not been done before in the history of the world. Are you aware that your parent is among the first generation ever to live en masse into late life? In all previous generations, most people have diead before they reached later life. They died from disease, warfare, childbirth, famine, and other hardships.
However, most people born into your parents’ generation have survived to become older adults. The flip side of that story is that you are part of the first generation to experience the art of caregiving as a normal part of midlife. Not only that, but you are providing care for longer than every generation prior to yours, and are caring for parents who are more frail. Your parents might have provided care for their aging parents for months, or maybe a few years, but your generation provides caregiving to aging parents for an average of 17 years! Many of you will give long term care for four parents or more, if you assist your in-laws and step-parents as well as your own parents.
Back in the past, most people would have died of their first physical crisis, which might have been a heart attack, stroke or cancer. Now many people survive the first incident, often for so many years, but their recovery is incomplete, and not with the same health and vigor they had before the crisis. They need a little help from you. Here’s where a support group becomes important.
Since no one in a previous generation has experienced this, you have few options for advice. You are the leading edge. You do not have a model from earlier generations of how to choose between attending your son’s baseball game or visiting your chronically ill mother. Your friends, neighbors and co-workers might not know what criteria to consider when you’re faced with making heartbreaking decisions about money, time, and energy. And most especially, you were certainly not raised knowing how to say ” no ” to mom or dad when it comes to giving them senior care.
A group whose participants are currently facing the same issues as you are can provide support in a way nothing else can. Another advantage of discussing aging issues with a peer group is that you can become a better and more knowledgable caregiver. By drawing on the experiences of other participants, you have all the information on how to handle with events even before they happen. Most participants will say at some point, ” Thank goodness I knew what to do, or had heard of that before. ” It’s reassuring to know that you are not the only one who resents the burden of giving continuous care while fearing the end of it.
Another great reason to find a peer support group is to share your hard-earned knowledge with others who may be floundering. You may be able to guide someone through the process of taking the car keys or moving their parent out of the home they’ve lived in for the last 70 years.
